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Healthy Insanity

Run Away Legs

 

40 Ways To Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

 

 

  1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
  2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
  3. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
  4. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
  5. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".
  6. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
  7. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  8. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
  9. Put your rubbish bin on your desk. Label it "IN."
  10. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
  11. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  12. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
  13. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  14. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
  15. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
  16. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  17. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  18. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
  19. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  20. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  21. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
  22. type only in lowercase.
  23. dont use any punctuation either
  24. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  25. Sit in the car park at lunch time pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  26. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
  27. Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth.
  28. When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them.
  29. Wear a hands free phone headset throughout once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'
  30. Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'.
  31. Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' & Charlie don't surf'.
  32. Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.
  33. Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'.
  34. Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth.
  35. Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair.
  36. Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.
  37. Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such as:' what's the margin, Marvin?"When's this turkey going to get basted?" If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed labradors'
  38. Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to one another as a means of idea-exchange.
  39. Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.
  40. Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
    My secret agenda
    1 Trample the weak
    2 Triumph alone
    3 Invade Poland